* Now was seeking behaviour, now was the time to stop, now was the time when he was caught in kareokie bars at 4am, always the man with the wallet; and everything came to pass. It was not fair. It was not simple. He showed up at meetings in distraught states. He was often wanted, wanting, time out of mind, Christmas in the morning, profound moments lost in a sea of alcohol and obsession; as if his whole life began and ended on one handsome flank as if every obsession he had ever known had come back to haunt him. And there was no oblivion in this. There was no way out. There were times, sometimes simple times, astonishing in their freshness; and there were two men who made love during the day and went prowling the brothels at night, as men do, brothers in arms, the ultimate bonding, all out of mind, all sacrificed, because often we were free, often we were tempted to do things we knew were bad for us; often we found it impossible to stop. Whatever stop meant. Whatever we were stopping. Here in the aftermath. Here in a time when only he could be free, when he became trapped by the most simple of human obsessions. He had lived alone too long, that was what it felt like. And he had never known a more happy people. And he worshipped at their knees and was lost in the streets in the early morning, crying with an old prostitute at the side of the canal while young Thai kids continued their party into the waking hours.
Saturday May 15, 2010
Saturday May 15, 2010
Saturday May 15, 2010
* Now was seeking behaviour, now was the time to stop, now was the time when he was caught in kareokie bars at 4am, always the man with the wallet; and everything came to pass. It was not fair. It was not simple. He showed up at meetings in distraught states. He was often wanted, wanting, time out of mind, Christmas in the morning, profound moments lost in a sea of alcohol and obsession; as if his whole life began and ended on one handsome flank as if every obsession he had ever known had come back to haunt him. And there was no oblivion in this. There was no way out. There were times, sometimes simple times, astonishing in their freshness; and there were two men who made love during the day and went prowling the brothels at night, as men do, brothers in arms, the ultimate bonding, all out of mind, all sacrificed, because often we were free, often we were tempted to do things we knew were bad for us; often we found it impossible to stop. Whatever stop meant. Whatever we were stopping. Here in the aftermath. Here in a time when only he could be free, when he became trapped by the most simple of human obsessions. He had lived alone too long, that was what it felt like. And he had never known a more happy people. And he worshipped at their knees and was lost in the streets in the early morning, crying with an old prostitute at the side of the canal while young Thai kids continued their party into the waking hours.