Multiple Fate Lines

*

In time for flight, for another bout of naysayers, to sit silently in the corner and listen to the crap float over him. It all began what already seemed like centuries ago; but was in fact only weeks. He walked out of an AA meeting - the so-called seven by seven by seven at the Park Hotel in Soi Seven in Bangkok and fished his friend Ian out of the Biergarten opposite, an enormous bar filled with a hundred girls or more. His friend, as per normal, was having a whale of a time, surrounded by girls, drinking, laughing, perving. He had decided he particularly liked a mother daughter combination sitting nearby; something he had never experienced. But it was clear it was time to extricate themselves from this situation, as per so many other situations. So he paid the bill with Ian's money and they left; heading off to the notorious Soi Cowboy; newer than Patpong, perhaps less seedy but that was open to debate. Where girls without underwear danced above mirrors and he was enormously proud, circling high above, of all his achievements and experiences; a different fate to the doomed sad creature he had so often felt himself to be. There was an older Australian man standing in the middle of Soi Cowboy looking utterly bewildered; as if he had landed on Mars, which in a way he had. "You look lost," they said, grabbing him by the arm. "I am," he acknowledged. "Come with us."

They chose a bar with 70 baht beers until 9pm and settled right in. And he thought, oh eff it, I'll have a beer. And proceeded to have not one but several. He had always been the same, he didn't know why. Other people, well at least some people, stayed sober and straight for years on end. His off switch just didn't work. Hundreds of meetings later he would go crashing out the door; often just on little trysts, sometimes on blinding, suicidal, life threatening binges which would make the skin crawl under a cat, make him convulse with the poisons pulsing through his already damaged body. And make way: make way, for the times are strange and bewildering and nothing will ever matter, not now, not ever. And after Soi Cowboy, after their accountant friend decided to potter off and be loyal to his wife of 25 years and four children; even though she wasn't actually in Bangkok. Some blokes are beyond rescue; walking through the streets with their old wrinkles while all around some of the most beautiful women in the world offer their often accomplished, or at least friendly, services. It wasn't to be. It wasn't to be. So he and Ian, somewhere in the taxi, decided that before they hit the girl armada of Patpong they would go to the Merman show, where naked men swam under water in the nearby gay soi, so that both their wants could be fully satisfied. That was their plan: get a boy for him, then go and get a girl. Then go back cheap hotel.

Well it didn't quite work out that way. Ian, the most purely heterosexual and most dedicated to the cause man he had ever met, had never been in a gay bar before. The show was seedy. The boys were swishy. He was re-classified a hunter now; he knew he wanted something, but the previous mistakes, swishy boys unimpressed that he didn't live in an expensive hotel nearby or thieving little Aids infested pricks who went through his wallet but who he still liked anyway, much to his own despair. After the men had swum naked with condoms over their erections; and then as part of the show had come and flapped their appendages against the guests, including Ian, they exited the bar. Ian was practically shaking, he was so confronted; and then they went and sat down in a bar. Patpong, Patpong, Ian kept saying, I need an antidote. A man of the world finally ruffled; shocked to the core of what he had thought had been his broad minded being. I'm not leaving till I get a boy, he declared, watching the flouncing little queens in the Bangkok Boys bar opposite gesturing to him with their come on eyes. Too camp too camp; it was not what he had wanted. He had made that mistake before. He sat there, still drinking; and suddenly Ian stood up without a word and headed back down the gay soi. Well that's the end of him, he thought, God knows where he's going to end up. The music continued to pump out of the bars opposite, the boys continued to flounce and gesture.

Some minutes later Ian returned with a handsome, straight looking young man who had approached him in the street. What about this one? he declared; as they ordered another beer, if that was possible, in an already disintegrating evening. This was a boy who was not going to say no to a beer. They talked briefly and negotiated a price - three thousand baht stay till morning. It was always good to pay over the local price; that got their full and undivided attention. And suddenly they had a new Thai friend, Baw, who laughed with them when they went to get something to eat. By this time Ian had abandoned his plan to pick up a girl in Patpong, worried that his other long time girlfriend, who was off with her typically enormous Thai family, would catch him out. Already her ceaseless demands and sometimes unaffectionate ways were starting to pall, and he would find a happy ending or two in the massage parlours in the afternoons while she was out. She had broken his heart and he wanted her forever; her exotic, fascinating ways. But he didn't want to get caught with a girl actually in his bed; and so they just headed home. And then there was Baw. And unlike every other boy, Baw just never quite went away.

They had four shots of Vodka each, polishing off the duty free Absolut Ian had left in the room, in that atmospheric Romance Hotel, with the N missing and mirrors strategically placed; indicating its former hay day as a sex haven before it became a slightly run down haven for long term residents and grumpy old men. And a cheap hotel for people such as themselves, passing through, happy not be to paying ridiculous amounts of money for ridiculous hotels. Appreciative of the cheap and cheerful. Perhaps he should have realised at that point that four shots of vodka before breakfast was not the best start to a relationship; live for the day; haunting images; misplaced jealousy; a haunting depth so far down; so diseased; so polluted only the toughest of sharks survived; but instantly entertained, if not transfixed or besotted, he wasn't thinking anything at all. Day followed day. He was instantly dragged up to a remote province to meet the family, where the village boys all came on to him. And then they went back to Bangkok. For some reason they were happy together in that room; even though he knew the boy liked girls, they all did, this was never going to be a marriage in heaven; it was going to be a time together which only he would wish would last forever. They weren't like that. They just didn't think like that. Not for the minute. Sufficient unto the day. That was all. Nor, in any normal western sense, was there a gay culture. It's what you do; now, today. And then after the poisonous experience of Koh Chang, where Baw got hopelessly drunk and kept dragging girls back to their room, and he would wake up sandwiched between them or watch them, with some sad sick amusement, sleeping after the cavorts of the night before; his heart destroyed by blackout drinking and ridiculous notions. And so it was they ended up in Chiang Mai. Back in a room. Back in domestic bliss. A very very hungover Baw, having polished off two bottles of Jack Daniels and run up a 6,000 baht bar bill, determined to sleep for three days, "for the power". And they reached their agreement. You want take care of me? Not drinking not girl not every day. There are plenty of handsome boys in Chiang Mai. Cheaper than you. And he made the decision to go back to a meeting today. Oh dear. Not again. At least he would go, which was more than a lot of people ever did.

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSSGE64700520100508?type=marketsNews

BANGKOK, May 8 (Reuters) - Two Thai policeman were killed and 13 people wounded in gun and grenade attacks overnight, threatening efforts to forge a deal on ending nearly two months of anti-government protests that have undermined the economy.

Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva has put forward a plan to end the rallies that have crippled Bangkok and scared off tourists, but it remains in limbo as talks drag on over the details, including a proposed early election in mid-November.

The "red shirt" protesters denied involvement in the attacks and were quick to condemn the violence, which could add to pressure on Abhisit from the Bangkok middle classes and traditional elite to take a tougher line with the protesters.

The movement's leaders said they were committed to the reconciliation plan and were working on their own proposals to present to the government, which they guaranteed would be ready no later than May 15.

"This should be a peaceful solution. There are some issues on which we agree with the government, and some in which we disagree," a protest leader, Nattawut Saikua, told reporters.

"Our proposal will be flexible. We are ready to listen... because we want to make way for a conciliatory atmosphere."