Considerable Patience

*

Still he puzzled over how it had happened, these moments of idiocy, and yet in his heart he knew the answers all too well, and did not want to commit them to paper or to memory, or to public view, those fragile moments when he and the dog were the only people awake on the planet; well in Sydney, or so it seemed, as he walked the Redfern streets and Wilson Street in particular, passing, passing, by the sleeping cars and the nodding junkies and time out of mind, when he stopped going to the clubs and stopped sleeping with people - any people - and when a man not meant to be alone tossed restlessly for two hours before giving the idea of sleep away as a bad toss; as no way he could function. Now God had sent him a boy who slept eight or twelve hours a night, they love their sleep Thai men, and the boy looked at him askance when he realised he had been out since 5am and only come home to wake him up for college; still he was sleeping more than was his due, more than he ever had; and everyting was delicious, everything.

He still had his coffee in the same place with the same swishy boy - coffee - kahboom - yes - he replies - looking as if he should be waltzing around in the Fresh Beach Boys go go bar rather than working in a cafe - and the delight with which they greeted everything - fun - face - don't be serious - was something that had moved very fast - he couldn't be free of the slather - haunted by moments, mistakes, he'd rather forget - well everything was in the day and today was glorious - he could hear the radio in Thai over the Limpini Park sound system announcing the change of leadership in Australia - mixing as it did with the not quite melancholic, cosmic perhaps was a better word, ping of the Falun Gong and the sounds of the choir practicing behind them - as people stepped out to help him every inch of the way. The Buddha will help you, Baw had said, and perhaps he was right. Stay south, stay south, he had advised, Bangkok is no good for you. Street rat. Hustler. Handsome boy. Moments of intimacy that pass between men. You are a very funny man, they kept telling him, and he grinned, because it was true in a ridiculous sense; and he saw them waiting patiently outside the fold.

There was much to be gained and much to be lost by the present course of action. It was as if he had decided if he wasn't going to live long he was going to live well; or if he was going to live well he better start generating some cash; and that exercise in itself might not be such a bad thing, forcing him back to work. It was too early to give up. Too early to say die. Too early to surrender to an old age pension and a frigid life in a terrible suburb, lonely to the core, or a tiny town with nothing but practicing alcoholics, or a place where he was not himself, did not belong; could not make it through the night; where everything seethed and curdled and he could not have been lonelier, more out of step, if he spent years planning to achieve the worst state of mind possible. So he marched onwards, each morning he went down the park, dodging the people as they set up their food stalls for the day, seething in the most charming way, exhausted, happy, panting. Good, good, the boy would say; and everything was fine, nothing could be better; and the combination of the park and the meetings were working, much to his surprise; and suddenly, just like that, the desperate days were over.

Don't make me laugh. Don't make me do it. Don't tell me what's possible and what's not. In all the dark forces there had been no escape; and yet, in that ancient tradition, walkabout, everything had been revealed. He had wizened up fast. I love you I want to stay with you every day forever meant I like you, I like your apartment, I like your money, I like the fact that you pay me without action and that you think I'm handsome. He heard him, though the boy thought he did not know enough Thai to understand, telling the mamasam that no, he was not coming to work that night, and no, he was not going to work tomorrow night either, and no, that was that, he would call him when he was ready; and like a typical Thai, simply refused to do something he did not want to do. The baht all disappeared just like that; it always would, he might not drink, he might not smoke yabba in the morning, but in the ancient communal ways of the village, of this place, all the money went straight to friends and family; and he didn't care. It allowed moments of pride; it allowed moments of forgiveness. He heard the boy to stop worrying, the foreigner's name was John and he had been with him many times; and he was a good man who was not going to harm him and who treated him well. So stop worrying mum.

Such a conversation would never happen in Australia. Much of what he saw every day, from the street stalls to the casual embraces to the handsome men doing exercises in the park who instantly returned his glance with a big big grin; because they knew he was perving at them and the sunshine was free. You are very handsome, he felt like shouting, but the Thai sentence for you are very handsome was almost identical to You are a very bad man, just as the sentence I have two children arranged in what would seem like an orderly sensible Western manner meant F... You and could lget him punched in the face. He showed up at the meetings and said nothing. He waltzed through the corridors and shouted out in praise. He dodged street workers and smiled at everybody. He tipped the security guards well so there would be no arguments about who came and who went. But they always took the boys identity cards anyway. They went shopping together at Tesco's, like any newly married couple, although they had only known each other a few days; and each sentence was a punch in the dark, and each new wave of pleasure a mounting bridge from a terrible past; and he smiled and waved as if royalty, and snuck along back streets as if invisible; and shouldered the blame; because everything was different now. He had been saved from a fate worse than death, the living death; and knew, the exercises would help him make the jump, into a different form, a different life, a different body, in those twinkling times between lives.

THE BIGGER STORY:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/06/24/2935900.htm

Julia Gillard has been sworn in as Australia's 27th Prime Minister after ousting Kevin Rudd in an unopposed Labor leadership spill this morning.

The ceremony at Yarralumla set the seal on a tumultous 24 hours which culminated with Ms Gillard becoming the nation's first female Prime Minister.

Earlier Ms Gillard had told a packed Parliament House press conference that she was "truly honoured" to be given the chance to lead the country.

"I asked my colleagues to make a leadership change because I believed that a good Government was losing its way," she said. "My values and beliefs have driven me to step forward to take this position as Prime Minister. I will lead a strong and responsible Government that will take control of our future."

Ms Gillard announced that the Government will scrap its mining tax advertising campaign and called on the industry to do the same in a bid to bring the bitter fight between the two to an end.

And she promised to call an election in the "coming months" to give the Australian people the chance to deliver their verdict on her ascension.

"Can I say, Australians one and all, it's with the greatest, humility, resolve and enthusiasm that I sought the endorsement of my colleagues to be the Labor leader and to be the prime minister for this country," she said.

"I have accepted that endorsement.

"There will be some days I delight you, some days I disappoint you. On every day I will be working my absolute hardest for you," she added.

Ms Gillard acknowledged that she was responsible for the Government's mistakes but praised her predecessor for leading the country in difficult times.

Indicating that there could be a role for Mr Rudd on the front bench, she said she would be speaking to him about his future in Government.

Newly elected Deputy Prime Minister Wayne Swan said the Government would move forward with Ms Gillard.

Ms Gillard's press conference came minutes after an appearance by an emotional Mr Rudd, who fought back tears as he bowed out as Prime Minister.

"I will be dedicating my every effort to assure the re-election of this Labor Government," he said. "They are a good team led by a good Prime Minister."

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/politics/rudds-tears-as-loss-to-gillard-sinks-in/story-e6frgczf-1225883699195

AN emotional Kevin Rudd declared today that he had "given it my all" and indicated he is interested in retaining a key position in the Gillard government.

Julia Gillard would be a “good PM”, Mr Rudd said, as he committed to working in “any manner in which I can be of assistance” and recontesting his Queensland seat of Griffith.

"I will be dedicating my every effort to ensure the re-election of this Australian Labor government. It is a good government with a good program,” he said.

“As for serving this government in the future, I will of course serve it in any manner in which I can be of assistance,” Mr Rudd said.

He deliberately and carefully repeated this phrase “any manner in which I can be of assistance,” in a clear indication he is interested in a key position.

Mr Rudd, flanked by wife Therese Rein and children Nicholas, Marcus and Jessica, took the unusual step of addressing a media conference before his successor Ms Gillard was scheduled to do so.

In an extraordinary and rare display of emotion, the outgoing Prime Minister fought back tears as he gave a thorough rundown of what he believed to be his key achievements.

"I have given it my absolute best; I have given it my all," he said.

"I am proud of the achievements that we have delivered to make this country fairer."

In a speech punctuated by long pauses, he listed keeping Australia out of the global financial crisis, getting rid of Work Choices, health reform, infrastructure delivery such as the national broadband network and education reform as his successes.